Friday, February 10, 2012

Aarons in our Life: Fist Bump Explosion of Grace

Some of you saw my cyber-adoption-melt-down the other day. I had posted that for the first time during this journey, I felt crazed and the weight of $28,000. At the beginning of this journey, Travis and I knew that God was calling us to step out in faith and not in a cozy little nest egg of finances that were all stored up and ready to go. We also believe we were supposed to live as much of this process out loud and online. We've been doing that. Mostly. I love the idea of being authentic, until I have to share my own struggles! Right?

So, we've been moving forward and writing checks and walking in faith. So, I thought. I realized I was more secure when we've raised a chunk of funds and can write all the checks quickly then when we had another bill coming and zero in the account. I was still so much more relaxed when we were one check a head, etc. And all of that is fine and good, and this fundraising is also our current calling, too. But, when I realized we were about $600 short from what I needed to pay, I crumbled.

I was tired and worn out and in pain. And did I mention the random dead animal and stomach bug? Anyhow, those things are normal; but they had worn me down. So facing this mini-battle seemed a lot harder than normal.

Wednesday afternoon and into the evening, through my crazy, I had a Moses/Aaron moment. We had several friends step in as Aaron did for Moses. Reach out. Lift our arms. Keep us steady during the battle. Some were expected-Aarons:  my covenant friends, my BFFs, my oikos circles. However, one particular couple wasn't. 

The other-Aarons are people we would not have expected at all to hear from. Not because they aren't wonderful; but because we just would not have thought of reaching out to them for help. Someday after this process, I'll recount more details of the message that read: "Call us, we wnat to help". It came from friends from a day gone by, or rather over a decade gone by, and a life lived in corn fields and tiny community that seems like once upon a time. But, really, they are our family and they are being obedient to God.

And, their obedience led to a fist bump explosion of grace that magnified a massive reminder of just who God is. 
We feel humbled and amazed to be a part of the blessing, but it's really not about us. It's not really their money or our money. It's God's money. And these babies are God's babies. He told us to go get them.
So, that was just the blessing. There was also sort of a scolding. As I sat on Wednesday night still swirling from the phone call, I heard God's gentle voice. Sort of scolding me, sort of reassuring. But, here's the jist of what I believe He was saying: "Jess, we are not coming back to this place." And by this place, I believe it was the place of heaviness, the place of the burden, and absolute fear and doubt that I had battled throughout the night before. I'm not meant to carry the burden. If I do, I'm climbing right up on the Cross and blaspheming the name of Jesus. So, He gently scolded me. Reminded me. "We are done with this. We don't have time for this. Let's go." I'm sure I'm going to have some hard days, and I'm sure I'll be at the end of myself again. But, there was a sense of finality. "We are done with this. Let's put it down."

And the friends who called, their words, the offer, the support and the community of the body of Christ, were all the reflection of the reminder that God is the Defender of the Fatherless. He is my Father. He's got this. Keep moving. Soldier on. 

And then there is even more. Isn't there always?

I think about Mose and Aaron again. And truly, that battle wasn't being won by Moses' power; but by God's power.  Do you think God really needs a man with a speech problem who killed someone and talks back to God, often, to hold his arms up to win a battle? No. But, that's how God decided to do it. And since God didn't really need Moses, did he really need Aaron? Of course not, and absolutely! He chose to use Aaron to reflect the Body of Christ. That is all symbolic. We get the blessing! But, it's all about Him! It's not enough that it's not about us. But, it's all about God's redemption and salvation of us that shows us just how amazing He is and flat out who He is! 

So for us, it was necessary community and loyalty and reflection of God lifting us up and God fighting for us. As the Aarons step into this battle with us, we are more and more humbled, changed and in awe of God. 


  1. That was beautifully said!! I, too, do not want to go back to that defeated place!! I too often make this life about me, when it is SO not about me!! Prayers for you to continue to be awed by God's sufficiency! Blessings, Jenni

  2. That's such an important and beautiful lesson you learned ... and will undoubtedly have to repeat some day. When you come to the end of yourself and feel you can't go on ... there's God holding the end of the rope for you. In your weakness God is strong. The vessel is cracked 'cause that let's the Light shine in. :)
    "One day at a time, Sweet Jesus..." Keep taking those baby steps one at a time. Never look back for that moment is gone. Never look forward. That day is not here yet and you really have no idea what it will bring. Live in each moment with gratitude! The rest will take care of itself. Believe, trust and rest in peace.
    HUGS, Peggy